Time to review a thingy!

I am going to now show you how to review a thingy. Today's thingy is Lucas's thingy that he wrote about a diner. With the poems, I could usually just post the entire body of work in here, and then review it, but this one is pretty long for posting and then reviewing, so, I will do that thing where I Direct you to the proper recipient of praise for this.

Lucas, the non-psionic kid will be the one to receive reviews here for his story, but it is only called SECOND SHORT STORY!!! so, I have no idea what it might be called. Anyway, it's by Lucas

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What I liked: Your dialog is very, very nice. I liked the interactions between the characters, as well as the story itself. It had a nice canter to it. It was strange at times--as is most of your stuff-- but it was always very good. Very well put together.

Improvements: It wasn't very clear when a segment was changing from one storyline to another, or how the timeline played out. The events seemed out of order, which isn't a big problem, except that it wasn't clear if it was mostly in reverse, or if it was mostly going forward with flashbacks. It also suffered from grammar and tense changing issues. I would love to be your editor though, 'cause that's m'dream jorb.