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I'd Rather Date His Truck...
by: Whitney J.
It was big and had me going.
Its curves were enormous and had me from the first moment I had set my eyes on it. If only I could get my hands on it. I knew I could take it for a ride and treat it like a road king. My hand lingered down the smooth side of its walls while my mouth salivated. The anxiousness of wanting to ride it was so titillating.
The truck shook as my date plumped his annoying ass down into the driver’s seat. He slowly put the key in the ignition and the sound was pleasantly unbearable. The roar of the engine was loud. I observed the interior as he backed out of the confined area. The radio thumped and the speakers vibrated underneath my ass. The vibration sent a sensation of satisfaction up my spine. It was the best part of the date.
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What I liked: I loved that the poem was so intensely sexualized in the beginning when it talks about the truck, but loses all sexuality once the boyfriend arrives. The imagery makes the reader think of anything but a truck when she describes her reactions. I also liked that it was a free verse set up because free verse is scary for some people to try right from the start.
Improvements: I think that there are only a few problems. If she wanted to keep the reader guessing what she was talking about, then she should probably remove "Road King" from the first half of the poem because it makes it instantly obvious that we are talking about an automobile. Also, "I observed the interior" seemed a bit out of place in the poem, but it isn't necessarily a bad thing.
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